When someone you love needs care, the responsibility often falls on one person's shoulders. Maybe you're the one who lives closest, or you're the family member everyone assumes will "handle it." But caregiving was never meant to be a solo journey.
This guide will show you how to build and coordinate an effective care team—whether that includes siblings, extended family, friends, neighbors, or professional caregivers.
Why Sharing Caregiving Matters
Before diving into the how, let's talk about the why. Research consistently shows that shared caregiving leads to better outcomes for everyone involved:
For the caregiver: Reduced burnout, lower rates of depression and anxiety, better physical health, and the ability to maintain their own life, career, and relationships.
For the person receiving care: More consistent care coverage, exposure to different perspectives and skills, reduced guilt about "burdening" one person, and often better overall care quality.
For the family: Stronger relationships, shared memories during a difficult time, and reduced long-term resentment.
Understanding Why People Don't Help (It's Not Always What You Think)
Before you can get others involved, it helps to understand why they might not be helping now. Here are the most common reasons:
They Don't Know What's Needed
This is the number one reason people don't help. They see you handling everything and assume either you've got it covered or you'll ask if you need something. They're not mind readers, and they may not understand the scope of what caregiving actually involves.
They Feel Unqualified
Many people worry they'll do something wrong. What if they give the wrong medication? What if there's an emergency? This fear of making mistakes keeps them on the sidelines.
They're Dealing with Their Own Stuff
Everyone has their own challenges—work stress, health issues, family responsibilities. They may want to help but feel stretched too thin already.
Geographic Distance
Living far away creates a real barrier. They can't just pop in for an hour. But distance doesn't mean they can't contribute—it just means they need to contribute differently.
Family Dynamics and History
Old family patterns die hard. If one sibling has always been "the responsible one," that dynamic tends to continue. Past conflicts or estrangements can also make coordination feel impossible.
Building Your Care Team: Who Should Be Included?
A care team isn't limited to immediate family. Consider everyone who might be willing and able to help:
Family Members
- Siblings
- Adult children or grandchildren
- Aunts, uncles, cousins
- In-laws
- Your own spouse or partner
Friends and Community
- Close friends (yours or your loved one's)
- Neighbors
- Church or community group members
- Former colleagues
Professional Caregivers
- Home health aides
- Visiting nurses
- Geriatric care managers
- Adult day program staff
The Key Insight
Different people can contribute in different ways. Your neighbor might not be comfortable helping with personal care, but they might be happy to pick up groceries. Your sibling across the country can't be there for doctor's appointments, but they can handle insurance paperwork. Your tech-savvy nephew can set up medication reminders and video calls.
The Conversation: How to Ask for Help
Many caregivers struggle with asking for help. Here's how to have the conversation effectively:
Be Specific
"I need help" is too vague. Instead, try:
- "Can you take Mom to her Thursday physical therapy appointments this month?"
- "Would you be able to call Dad every Sunday evening to check in?"
- "I need someone to research Medicare supplement plans—is that something you could take on?"
Explain the Situation Clearly
Others may not understand what caregiving actually involves. Share concrete details:
- What a typical day or week looks like
- What tasks are required and how often
- What you're currently handling alone
- What's most challenging or time-consuming
Give Choices, Not Assignments
People are more likely to follow through on commitments they choose. Present options:
- "Here are some things that would really help. Which of these would work for you?"
- "We need coverage on weekends. Would Saturday or Sunday work better for your schedule?"
Make It Easy to Say Yes
Remove barriers:
- Offer to train them on specific tasks
- Provide written instructions
- Start with small, manageable commitments
- Be flexible on the "how" as long as the task gets done
Acknowledge Their Concerns
Listen to their hesitations and address them:
- "I know you're worried about making mistakes. Let me show you exactly what to do, and you can always call me with questions."
- "I understand you're busy. Even one hour a week would make a real difference."
Creating a Caregiving Schedule That Works
Once you have your team, you need a system. Here's how to create one:
Inventory All Tasks
Start by listing everything that needs to happen:
Daily tasks:
- Medication management
- Meals and nutrition
- Personal care (bathing, dressing)
- Companionship and check-ins
- Mobility assistance
Weekly tasks:
- Grocery shopping
- Laundry and housekeeping
- Transportation to appointments
- Bill paying and paperwork
Monthly or occasional:
- Doctor's appointments
- Pharmacy runs
- Home maintenance
- Social activities
Match Tasks to People
Consider each person's:
- Availability (work schedule, other commitments)
- Location (who's nearby for in-person tasks?)
- Skills (who's good with paperwork? Who's great at conversation?)
- Preferences (what do they want to do?)
- Limitations (physical, emotional, time-based)
Create a Shared Schedule
Use a tool everyone can access—whether that's a shared calendar, a caregiving app like Circle Care, or even a simple spreadsheet. The key is visibility: everyone should be able to see who's doing what and when.
Build in Flexibility
Life happens. Build backup plans:
- Have at least two people who can do each critical task
- Create a system for swapping shifts
- Establish who to contact for different types of emergencies
Communication: The Secret to Sustainable Caregiving
Poor communication is the number one reason care teams fall apart. Here's how to get it right:
Establish Regular Check-Ins
Schedule brief, regular meetings (even just 15 minutes weekly) to:
- Share updates on your loved one's condition
- Discuss what's working and what isn't
- Adjust the schedule as needed
- Surface concerns before they become conflicts
Use a Central Communication Hub
Group chats get chaotic. Email threads get lost. Instead, use a dedicated tool where you can:
- Post updates everyone can see
- Track task completion
- Store important documents and information
- Keep a log of care activities
Document Everything
Keep records of:
- Medications and dosages
- Doctor's instructions
- Daily care notes
- Behavioral changes or concerns
This helps everyone provide consistent care and catches issues early.
Address Conflicts Directly
When tensions arise (and they will):
- Focus on the problem, not the person
- Use "I" statements ("I feel overwhelmed" vs. "You never help")
- Look for solutions, not blame
- Remember you're all on the same team
Managing Long-Distance Caregivers
Having team members who live far away is common—and they can still contribute meaningfully:
Tasks Long-Distance Caregivers Can Handle
- Research (doctors, facilities, services, insurance)
- Phone calls and video chats with your loved one
- Coordinating and scheduling appointments
- Managing finances and bills
- Organizing medical records
- Providing emotional support to local caregivers
- Planning and booking travel for family visits
Help Them Stay Connected
- Include them in care updates
- Send photos and videos
- Schedule regular video calls between them and your loved one
- Give them specific, meaningful roles
Be Understanding
- Long-distance caregivers often struggle with guilt
- They may not fully understand day-to-day challenges
- Help them find ways to contribute that feel meaningful
Using Technology to Coordinate Care
Technology can transform how your care team works together:
Caregiving Apps
Apps like Circle Care let you:
- Create shared task lists visible to everyone
- Track who's doing what
- Send updates without repetitive texts
- Store important information in one place
Communication Tools
- Video calling for distant family members
- Shared calendars for scheduling
- Group messaging with threads (not chaotic group texts)
Health Monitoring
- Medication reminder apps
- Emergency alert systems
- Remote health monitoring devices
Dealing with Family Members Who Won't Help
Despite your best efforts, some people won't participate. Here's how to handle it:
Accept What You Can't Control
You cannot force someone to help. You can only:
- Make clear, specific requests
- Explain the impact of their absence
- Set boundaries around what you can do alone
Set Boundaries Without Burning Bridges
It's okay to say:
- "I can no longer handle this alone. I need to find additional help, which may mean bringing in paid care."
- "I can only commit to X. The rest will need to be covered by someone else or won't get done."
Don't Let Guilt Drive You
You are not obligated to destroy your own health and life because others won't step up. Seeking outside help isn't failure—it's wisdom.
Keep the Door Open
Circumstances change. Someone who can't help now might be able to help later. Try not to permanently damage relationships over temporary situations.
When to Bring in Professional Help
Sometimes family and friends aren't enough. Signs you might need professional support:
- Care needs exceed what volunteers can provide
- Medical tasks require trained professionals
- You're experiencing burnout
- Safety concerns arise
- Your loved one's needs are increasing
Professional help isn't giving up—it's getting your loved one the best possible care while preserving your ability to be a caring family member rather than an exhausted caregiver.
Making It Work Long-Term
Caregiving is often a marathon, not a sprint. To sustain your care team:
Celebrate Small Wins
Acknowledge when things go well. Thank people for their contributions. Recognize that what you're all doing matters.
Adjust as Needs Change
Your loved one's needs will evolve. What worked six months ago might not work now. Build in regular reassessments.
Take Care of Yourselves
Caregivers need care too. Encourage everyone on the team to:
- Take breaks
- Maintain their own health
- Stay connected to their own lives
- Seek support when needed
Remember the Purpose
On hard days, remember why you're doing this: because you love this person and want them to have the best possible quality of life. That shared purpose can help you work through any challenge.
Conclusion: You're Not Alone
If you're reading this while shouldering caregiving alone, know this: it doesn't have to be that way. Building a care team takes effort, but the result is better for everyone—including you.
Start small. Have one conversation. Ask for one specific thing. Use one tool to coordinate better. Every step toward shared caregiving is a step toward sustainable, loving care for your family member and yourself.
Circle Care is designed to help care teams coordinate effectively. Our app makes it easy to share tasks, communicate updates, and ensure everyone stays informed—whether they're across the table or across the country.